Prank call!
by L-everlou
Summary: Lilou is over at Lucy's house, for a girls sleepover night. Cana suggests they prank call some people, and Lilou starts it off with a call to her very favorite dragon slayer... Contains suggestive themes, and some language. Sumbit some pairings, and I'll try to write them as soon as I can!
1. Hello?

It was a late Saturday night, and the fairy tail girls were over at Lucy's house for a slumber party. They had dragged Lilou along, even though she protested the whole time. The whole time, Lilou was forced to act as girly and irrational as possible, even going so far as to giggle at everything and apply makeup.

Honestly, the whole damn thing was just tiring. Luckily she was good at acting, because it would really suck to disappoint Lucy and the other girls. She was just about to call it a night, when Cana decided to do some prank calling.

Lilou fell all over herself to get the phone. When she pried it out of Cana's hands, she immediately turned around and dialed Sting's phone number. Somehow, no one saw who she dialed. She put the phone up to her ear and waited. It took all her strength not to squeal and laugh at what she was going to do.

Rogue had specifically said that he was going on a solo mission. Sting was left alone, and he was the type of person who didn't give a shit about where everyone was. So, it struck her as the perfect time to mess around with the blonde at home. Of course, none of the girls knew what she was planning, so they jumped up and down anyways, clapping and giggling.

"Hello?"

Lilou took a deep breath. Then, she put on her best sex face and moaned. The girls nearly fell over, and died. No one had expected it, but it was a pretty awesome idea.

"L-Lilou?"

Lilou waited, gasping heavily for dramatic effect.

"Fuck, Rogue! Mmmm... Harder!"

Juvia nearly exploded, but she ducked into the hallway just in time. Erza and Lucy had their hands clamped over their mouths. Cana had already fainted.

"Y-you're not doing w-what I think your d-doing... right?" Sting asked, nervously.

"Rogue! Harder! I-I'm Cumming!" Lilou groaned.

Then, she hung up. Sting was probably traumatized by now anyways.

She nodded, and the whole place fell to pieces. Juvia stumbled back into the room, fell down, and couldn't get back up. Cana had recovered and was now pounding the ground with her fists. Lucy was rolling around on the ground next to the alcoholic, and Erza was clutching her stomach. The poor red head fell back onto the sofa in a fit of laughter.

And as for Lilou... well, she had reocurring giggling fits for hours afterwards.

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Sting stood motionless at the phone. He couldn't believe that his two best frien-

"Sting? I'm home!"

Rogue walked through the doorway, and put a hand on Sting's shoulder.

"Sting? Hey, Sting!"

"I HATE YOU!" Sting cried, as he tackled the other teen.

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**Dedicated to my cousin, who was the first person to read it. He got all sorts of pissed when he found out that I requested grammar help from you guys. So, he's grammar checking this for me.**


	2. How Laxus shows affection

After everyone regained their breath, Cana waved the phone around.

"Well? We need someone to volunteer!" The drunk giggled.

"Lu-chan, you do one!" Levy suggested.

Lucy nodded, and took the phone. She sat down on the couch and thought for a moment.

"Guys, who should I dial?" She asked.

Lilou remembered a popular pairing back in America, called Luxus, or Laxus×Lucy.

"Lu-chan, call Laxus!" Lilou shouted.

There were various screams, and cheering. Lucy blushed while laughing a bit and dialed his number.

"Yo. Who's this?"

"Hey, Laxus. It's...err... Cana," Lucy stuttered.

Cana's jaw dropped. What was that blonde planning?! She reached for the phone, but Erza pulled her back.

"Hey, Mrs. drunk all the time! What do you need? I'm busy, so make it quick."

"I bet you're busy masturbating!" Lucy shot back.

"Too true, bitch. Too true."

She heard a sigh from the other side.

"Even I get lonely sometimes..." Laxus said.

"I understand..." Lucy said, while making a "wtf?" Face at the girls.

"And... Y'know Sting?"

"Y-yeah?" Lucy prodded.

By this time, Lucy had put the phone on "speakerphone" to let everyone else hear. The girls wondered why he brought up the white dragon slayer for a bit, and then they got all sorts of perverted thoughts (I think I just started shipping that!). Cana was struggling against Erza for all she was worth. She needed to get that phone, before anything else happened!

"I... I really want to fight him..."

"Is that your weird way of admitting you have a crush on him?" Lucy asked.

"Does it sound that way?"

"Yes..."

"Right... I'm off to go fight Sting, if anyone starts asking for me-"

"They won't, don't stress it."

"ANYWAYS. I'll bring back his mangled remains for Lilou to cry over! Her pathetic boyfriend..." Laxus cackled.

"That's a really bad way to show affection, Y'know."

"Sh! If you see Lilou, tell her I'm doing the honors of tearing her precious Sting to shreds, probably in more ways than one!" Laxus laughed.

There was a "click!" As the phone disconnected.

Lilou looked terrified. Sting was going to get raped? Again? Seriously, since when was Sting so vulnerable to rape? He was pretty damn tough in normal battles... She could only assume that the weakness had taken place after the games. Regardless, he was about to get raped again. Even worse, she heard about the last girl Laxus was in bed with. Her funeral was held two weeks ago. The poor girl had died of blood loss...

"W-what did he mean by 'pathetic boyfriend'? Li-chan?" Erza asked.

"Uh... I have to do something!" Lilou cried, as she threw on her coat.

The fairy tail girls watched her run out the door. There was a long silence before Levy squealed,

"Ooh! Li-chan has a boooooooooyfrieeeeeeeeend!"

**A/N: I wrote this while listening to "fuck you" by Lily Allen. That girl's a genius! Anyways, second chapter. Review, and send in all the grammar tips you can think of, because (as I've stated before) grammar and I don't get along. Yep, review grammar tips, and comments!**


	3. Bacchus and Levy: Oh, the drama!

"Damn it, Lucy!" Cana wailed, as she clutched the phone to her chest. "You made me sound stupid!"

"The real question is, how stupid is Laxus? He didn't even notice it was Lucy, even though Lucy completely failed at faking a lower voice," Erza said in wonder.

Levy and Juvia stopped laughing to look up at the ceiling and wonder the same thing.

"Did I really do that bad?" Lucy whispered to Levy.

"Yeah, Lucy. You did," Everyone whispered back.

"Well, then! Juvia thinks that Cana should call someone (other than my beloved Gray-sama, of course,) to make up for Lucy wrecking an interpretation of her voice!" Juvia bubbled.

Literally. Her whole body was forming massive, shiny bubbles, which everyone completely ignored.

Cana took the phone and hesitantly observed it.

"Who do you wanna call?" Erza asked, yawning and stretching.

"Jett? Droy? Ooh, maybe Natsu, or Loke? Gray is off limits, apparently..." Levy listed, glancing at Juvia.

A strange look came over Cana's face.

"Oh, right. There is that ONE guy... I still have to call him back, too..." she mumbled.

Cana quickly dialed a number and put the phone to her ear.

"Hey, this is Bacchus. If you're not a sexy babe or willing to challenge me in a drinking competition, hang the fuck up."

All the girls in the room began pushing and shoving to get towards the phone, but Cana was holding them back with one arm.

"Yo, Bacchus, this is Levy McGarden, and if you don't remember me, then get your ass over to the Wikipedia page and learn a word or two, bitch!" Cana giggled, playfully.

The color drained from Levy's face, as she contemplated a visit from the male alcoholic, demanding a fight.

"Stop!" Levy squeaked.

Erza dragged her out of the room, before she got the phone, and made sure that she didn't interrupt the call, all the while pressing her ear against the door.

"Oh, a feisty one! Yeah, I remember you. You're the little kid with the blue hair, and the buff dragon slayer boyfriend," Bacchus replied, nonchalantly...

"He's not my boyfriend, that's held off. The truth is, I've really liked you from the first time I laid eyes on you, and-"

"Listen, I'm in it for the sex, and I'm not the best at holding a girl for longer than a night-"

"I don't care! Just, shut up... I... I just want you to be with me..." Cana trailed off, sadly.

Meanwhile, Levy was shrieking and beating the door with her fists. Erza was just barely containing the bookworm.

"R-right...? I, uh... I mean, do you want to meet up?" Bacchus stuttered.

This was the first time anyone had seen him so unsettled, so of course everyone wanted to shake their fists and say, "AHA!"

Even Cana.

"AHA!" She bellowed, temporarily holding the phone away from her ear.

"What was that?!" Bacchus spluttered.

"Oh no! T-the kidnappers are here! Bacchus, help! 19 Elm Lane-"

She hung up the phone, bowing several times before opening the door.

"Erza! Would you be so kind as to tie Levy-kins up somewhere near 19 Elm Lane?" Lucy blurted in appreciation.

"Right away," Erza nodded, picking Levy up and taking her away.

"Well, that was fun. But, Y'know..." Lucy began.

"We need another shipment of characters; we're only down to Juvia, Lu-chan, and me..." Cana listed.

**A/N: And so, the requests are back in play. Who do you want? I'll leave it to that.**


	4. New characters?

New shipment of characters!

"Hey'all!" Lilou cheered; as she slammed the door open. "I brought some motherfuckers!"

"Where the hell were you?" Cana asked.

"Ensuring the life of a sex toy of mine. And if Levy runs by, let her know that I do, in fact, have a boyfriend!" Lilou told Cana, yanking a tall teenager with jet-black hair into the room.

"This is Skailar, my boyfriend," Lilou introduced, calming down a bit.

"S'okay, you can call me Skai," Skailar said, coolly.

"Skai, before you say anything else, you do know that Lilou has fucked over 100 different people in Fiore... right?" Cana asked, confused.

"Yep. But when we get back to America, she'll still be a virgin, so it's ok. Actually, any damage is ok. Once we get back to where we came from, everything will be erased like it never happened. That includes if one of us dies," Skai explained.

"Right. And when you joined the guild, you told us that the only way you can go back to this 'America' is by completing the objective assigned to you when you first got here..." Levy chimed in, thoughtfully.

There was a silence as the four contemplated that thought.

"So, who else didja bring?" Levy asked.

"Oh, you know... all the girls."

"All the girls?"

"Yeah... Bisca, Evergreen, Wendy, Lisanna, Mirajane... all the girls..." Skai said, gesturing towards the large group of females who were now gathered in the room.

Lilou stared at Mirajane's chest as she came flouncing through the door.

"You know, Skai, sometimes it makes me wonder how you're so loyal when in the presence of Anime girls..." She mumbled under her breath, more to herself than anyone else.

"Ok, well... We just got Erza to go tie Levy up so that Bacchus would come and rescue her," Cana explained.

Everyone sighed. It was just like Levy to do something like that. (*÷*) NO SERIOUSLY?!

"Err, Juvia... why don't you go?" Cana suggested, awkwardly handing the water-mage the phone.

And she knew exactly who to dial.

"Yo, It's Gray."

There wasn't anything akin to a sparkle in Juvia's eyes as she coldly spat out the next line with an obviously fake smile.

"L-Lyon-sama? A date?" She wondered aloud, into the phone.

There was no comment from Gray on the other end.

"Of course Juvia will!" She smiled, enthusiastically.

A small growl could be heard from the phone.

"W-what?! Oh, don't tease Juvia like that, Juvia always looks like this."

Muttering including 'Juvia' and 'Lyon', but mostly Juvia's name.

"Lyon-sama! We will not do those types of things now!"

There was the sound of plastic being snapped, and the other end was disconnected.

"Mm, I wonder what that was!" Mirajane laughed.

"That, my friend, was the sound of a win!" Bisca cheered, laughing with Lisanna as she clapped Juvia on the back.

"Juvia is so happy! This was fun!" Juvia giggled.

"If I were you, I'd the keep it going, Juvia!" Lilou suggested.

"I agree with the girl. If you make it seem like you're in a relationship, Gray'll be sure to include a couple desperate hints about it. He's easy to read," Evergreen informed.

"Yeah, so you're one step closer! You almost have him!" Lucy applauded.

"LOVE RIVAL LOVE RIVAL LOVE RIVAL LOVE RIVAL..." Juvia growled.

"It's not like that!" Lucy spluttered in defense.

"So... let's keep it going, ok? Hmm... Lucy-chan, you should go!"

**A/N: End for now, I'm tireddddddddd... it's, like... *checks clock*, LIKE 2 IN DA MORNING. Yeahuh, good night!**


	5. The Calm Before the Soon-to-Be Storm

Right before Lucy got the phone; there was the sudden sound of a phone call coming through.

Now, even though Juvia was holding the phone, and she could have easily answered it, it made much more sense for Lucy to get it instead, and that's exactly what happened.

"Hello?" Lucy said.

"Hello," Someone said in a rough voice. "Do you want to play a game?"

"AW FUCK, DROP THE PHONE!" Lilou squealed.

She could vividly imagine the pain that came with a reverse bear trap.

"U-uh, who is this?" Lucy asked, hesitantly.

"I am Jigsaw. Do you want to play a game?"

"Not particularly..." Lucy told him, shaking a bit.

"Wait, what game did you want to play?" Skai asked, eagerly. Just like Lilou, he was a gamer. It was normal for him to expect call of duty, or team fortress 2.

"The game where... I tell you that its GAJEEL bitches, and I pranked the hell out of you mother fuckers!"

Everyone groaned, and Lucy stomped as she yelled, "You stupid metal head! That wasn't funny!"

"Hey, calm down, Bunny girl!" Gajeel laughed a bit.

"I'm not a bunny girl! Stop that, already!"

"Ok, ok. I was just calling for fun."

"You didn't call to talk?"

"Well... that too," Gajeel said.

"Hmm. Thought so. But I'm in the middle of something, so I'll call you after. Bye?" She asked.

"Sure. Bye," Gajeel dismissed, hanging up the phone.

"Well, you two sounded awful comfy..." Bisca commented, as Lucy put the phone down.

"Oh, shush... We just talk more often because he comes to the library sometimes..."

"Are we still talking about Gajeel? Can he even read?" Lisanna asked, confused.

Skai shrugged, looking just as confused as Lisanna.

"Um, I have no ideas left; let's just do rock paper scissors or something..." Lilou suggested. "Unless we have some volunteers..."

A hand raised up. Everyone gasped...

And then there was a cliffhanger.

**A/N: OWNAGE! I know it's short and all, but I'm losing inspiration quickly. Matter and fact, the next chapter is going to be the last. I have just decided. Hurry and review! You might get your shot!**


	6. Juvia

New shipment of characters!

"Hey'all!" Lilou cheered; as she slammed the door open. "I brought some motherfuckers!"

"Where the hell were you?" Cana asked.

"Ensuring the life of a sex toy of mine. And if Levy runs by, let her know that I do, in fact, have a boyfriend!" Lilou told Cana, yanking a tall teenager with jet-black hair into the room.

"This is Skailar, my boyfriend," Lilou introduced, calming down a bit.

"S'okay, you can call me Skai," Skailar said, coolly.

"Skai, before you say anything else, you do know that Lilou has fucked over 100 different people in Fiore... right?" Cana asked, confused.

"Yep. But when we get back to America, she'll still be a virgin, so it's ok. Actually, any damage is ok. Once we get back to where we came from, everything will be erased like it never happened. That includes if one of us dies," Skai explained.

"Right. And when you joined the guild, you told us that the only way you can go back to this 'America' is by completing the objective assigned to you when you first got here..." Levy chimed in, thoughtfully.

There was a silence as the four contemplated that thought.

"So, who else didja bring?" Levy asked.

"Oh, you know... all the girls."

"All the girls?"

"Yeah... Bisca, Evergreen, Wendy, Lisanna, Mirajane... all the girls..." Skai said, gesturing towards the large group of females who were now gathered in the room.

Lilou stared at Mirajane's chest as she came flouncing through the door.

"You know, Skai, sometimes it makes me wonder how you're so loyal when in the presence of Anime girls..." She mumbled under her breath, more to herself than anyone else.

"Ok, well... We just got Erza to go tie Levy up so that Bacchus would come and rescue her," Cana explained.

Everyone sighed. It was just like Levy to do something like that. (*÷*) NO SERIOUSLY?!

"Err, Juvia... why don't you go?" Cana suggested, awkwardly handing the water-mage the phone.

And she knew exactly who to dial.

"Yo, It's Gray."

There wasn't anything akin to a sparkle in Juvia's eyes as she coldly spat out the next line with an obviously fake smile.

"L-Lyon-sama? A date?" She wondered aloud, into the phone.

There was no comment from Gray on the other end.

"Of course Juvia will!" She smiled, enthusiastically.

A small growl could be heard from the phone.

"W-what?! Oh, don't tease Juvia like that, Juvia always looks like this."

Muttering including 'Juvia' and 'Lyon', but mostly Juvia's name.

"Lyon-sama! We will not do those types of things now!"

There was the sound of plastic being snapped, and the other end was disconnected.

"Mm, I wonder what that was!" Mirajane laughed.

"That, my friend, was the sound of a win!" Bisca cheered, laughing with Lisanna as she clapped Juvia on the back.

"Juvia is so happy! This was fun!" Juvia giggled.

"If I were you, I'd the keep it going, Juvia!" Lilou suggested.

"I agree with the girl. If you make it seem like you're in a relationship, Gray'll be sure to include a couple desperate hints about it. He's easy to read," Evergreen informed.

"Yeah, so you're one step closer! You almost have him!" Lucy applauded.

"LOVE RIVAL LOVE RIVAL LOVE RIVAL LOVE RIVAL..." Juvia growled.

"It's not like that!" Lucy spluttered in defense.

"So... let's keep it going, ok? Hmm... Lucy-chan, you should go!"

**A/N: End for now, I'm tireddddddddd... it's, like... *checks clock*, LIKE 2 IN DA MORNING. Yeahuh, good night!**


	7. Lucy and Gajeel

Right before Lucy got the phone; there was the sudden sound of a phone call coming through.

Now, even though Juvia was holding the phone, and she could have easily answered it, it made much more sense for Lucy to get it instead, and that's exactly what happened.

"Hello?" Lucy said.

"Hello," Someone said in a rough voice. "Do you want to play a game?"

"AW FUCK, DROP THE PHONE!" Lilou squealed.

She could vividly imagine the pain that came with a reverse bear trap.

"U-uh, who is this?" Lucy asked, hesitantly.

"I am Jigsaw. Do you want to play a game?"

"Not particularly..." Lucy told him, shaking a bit.

"Wait, what game did you want to play?" Skai asked, eagerly. Just like Lilou, he was a gamer. It was normal for him to expect call of duty, or team fortress 2.

"The game where... I tell you that its GAJEEL bitches, and I pranked the hell out of you mother fuckers!"

Everyone groaned, and Lucy stomped as she yelled, "You stupid metal head! That wasn't funny!"

"Hey, calm down, Bunny girl!" Gajeel laughed a bit.

"I'm not a bunny girl! Stop that, already!"

"Ok, ok. I was just calling for fun."

"You didn't call to talk?"

"Well... that too," Gajeel said.

"Hmm. Thought so. But I'm in the middle of something, so I'll call you after. Bye?" She asked.

"Sure. Bye," Gajeel dismissed, hanging up the phone.

"Well, you two sounded awful comfy..." Bisca commented, as Lucy put the phone down.

"Oh, shush... We just talk more often because he comes to the library sometimes..."

"Are we still talking about Gajeel? Can he even read?" Lisanna asked, confused.

Skai shrugged, looking just as confused as Lisanna.

"Um, I have no ideas left; let's just do rock paper scissors or something..." Lilou suggested. "Unless we have some volunteers..."

A hand raised up. Everyone gasped...

And then there was a cliffhanger.

**A/N: OWNAGE! I know it's short and all, but I'm losing inspiration quickly. Matter and fact, the next chapter is going to be the last. I have just decided. Hurry and review! You might get your shot!**


	8. END

I can't continue a lot of fics anymore! I'm ending most of them, due to finishing the animes and growing tired of writing fics about them. After all, if you're not passionate about the subject, you'll never get anywhere. As you can see, the chapters have been getting short, and I'm being lazy.

I just don't want to drag you guys through this anymore, so I'm finishing it. I'm SO sorry for the people who wanted me to continue... But that's it.


End file.
